The Lambie calculus and other theories

I love theories because they express our desire to make sense of things. Along with describing a theory a person can devise a way to test it, or if it’s a really far out theory there is no way to confirm or refute it. There is practically no limit to theorising and historically, people have theorised some really crazy explanations, like the moon being made of cheese, or the human being made up of four humours, thus explaining behaviour.


More recently it has been theorised that there was more than one gunman at the JFK assassination, or that life emerged on Earth after having been left here by Aliens (panspermia) or that mankind evolved from apes by way of amoeba.


Sometimes it beggars belief what adults believe. You don’t find 6 year olds postulating that Elvis Presley is still alive and well and travels the lower 48 states in a rig, or suggesting that a cabal of powerful super-rich former frat-boys are controlling the world’s markets and pushing society towards a world war.


I have my own set of theories; some of them are in fun, and some of them are more serious. Theories that contradict Scripture however will not find an audience with my thinking though as I believe Scripture should be the ultimate frame of reference.


Perhaps it might be useful to point out that God has no theories, He simply knows everything. We on the other hand have huge gaps in knowledge (and intellect!) and so have to rely on theories, which – if there is any eternal use to knowing the answer to the question – we will know the answer to one day.


The Lambie calculus:

I postulate that since Patrick Lambie made an appearance in the 2010 Currie Cup, the Sharks have looked like the more finished article. In 2011 the Sharks finished second in the South African conference and 6th overall and lost a quarter final. The next year the Sharks finished third in the South African conference and 6th overall and progressed to the finals which they unfortunately lost. In each of the next three years (2013 – 2015), Lambie was injured early in the season and the Sharks failed to reach their potential, especially compared with 2011 and 2012. My theory is that the year Patrick Lambie plays through the season without getting injured the Sharks will win the competition.


Warp speed:

A lecturer once explained his theory to a class I was in, so it’s not my theory but just thinking about how awesome it sounds gets my inner geek excited. Consider it therefore an adopted theory…when you watch ‘Star Trek’ and observe the Enterprise enter warp speed, it seems like the space craft stretches. Warp speed is the barrier at which an object can travel faster than light. If an object could travel faster than light, it could be in more than one place at the same time which is what that stretching spacecraft illustrates.


Imagine that God is moving so quickly and is therefore in more than one place at the same time. I suppose that might work except that God is not an object that is limited by matter, energy, space and time. However what about the theory that God’s perspective is outside of our concept of linear time at light speed. In order to enter, to condescend, He may have to slow down considerably.


The ice-cream stomach:

No matter how full you feel after a big meal, there is always space for ice-cream. This is because of an ‘ice-cream stomach’ that is only available for your favourite frozen dessert, no matter how full you feel. This is an easy hypothesis to test.


Junk DNA is not junk:

Scientists have discovered from research that only around 15% of human DNA is coding DNA; in other words it provides the basis for instructions to enzymes to operate in a given and designed way; these segments of DNA split the original cells to form a person with fully functioning systems that determines sex, eye colour, shade of hair, pigmentation of melanin and all the other things that make you physically who you are.


The other 85% of DNA does not seem to have a purpose; hence scientists call it junk-DNA. It is information and may have a pattern. My theory is that non-coding DNA relates to our soul. Our soul is as much a part of who we are as our body is. What if it is a soul language that only He can read?


Truth serum:

If we gave all the atheists, agnostics and God-haters truth serum and asked them questions, my theory is that we will find that they admit that deep down, they know there is a God and that their philosophical framework is a device to keep from knowing Him, much like a child sticking their fingers in their ears and making a noise to keep from hearing the truth.

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